Passing Through The Four Gates
Flowing Toward our Evolution
What if our age, and the decade we’re currently living, gave us permission to lean into the timing of our lives and how we’re supposed to be evolving?
Perhaps you, like me, often find that you’re in a tug of war with yourself—where part of you is aggressively pushing forward, and the other part of you is calling you back to yourself, in this never-ending game of this or that.
I do believe that one of the biggest lessons we are all here to experience (and not necessarily complete) is the lesson of yin and yang; this and that, YES...AND. Call it balance. Call it flow. Call it duality. Call it the journey.
Regardless of what we call it, bringing awareness to the TIMING of it all—the timing of where we are in our lives—can bring clarity, acceptance, and even peace and joy to this journey of our evolving. We can walk this journey of learning lessons and evolving (sometimes repeating lessons over and over!) either with more discomfort and pain, or with more ease and grace, finally moving forward onto the next bigger lesson of that time, and perhaps a deeper connection to our true essence (I say Yassss to this!).
I had the true pleasure back in 2008 to study with a beautiful soul and teacher—Jean Haner— who taught me the science of Chinese Face Reading and 9 Star Ki Astrology (from which the wisdom I’m sharing with you today derives.) I was actually in one of those monumental tug of war periods when I met her, where I was struggling to uncover that next level of “me”. The person who I no longer was, and the person I wasn’t sure who I should (or could) be.
It was a time when I chose not to listen to the innate wisdom coming from inside of me. The one saying, “Don’t keep pushing forward….pull, instead, and sit with yourself!” In ignoring that voice, I instead did what always worked to help me feel accomplished and successful—keep pushing, keep winning, keep controlling, keep ignoring, which resulted in some tough lessons learned and lost opportunities—both personally and professionally.
But here’s the thing— usually it’s time to PULL right after a period where the PUSHING is absolutely necessary for our growth, and the true moving forward—toward our True North—cannot happen without it. And with reflection, awareness, and new learned information, we can integrate the laid out lesson for that period on our life’s journey— not repeat it, but rise from it.
Jean says, “It’s almost as if you’re compelled to turn your attention in a new direction and to deal with issues associated with that particular stage of development. You think life is just happening to you, but in fact there is a recognizable pattern. If you’re aware of it, you can make the most progress with the lessons being sent your way.”
The Four Gates and the Timing of our Lives.
What Chinese Wisdom Keepers called the Four Gates, can guide us during the most critical of our life’s transitions. In this article I’m only speaking to these Four Gates—the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, but know that, of course, there is significance behind all of the decades of our lives. Because my work resides mostly with professional and executive women who are 40+, I’d like to create awareness around these powerful gates.
Gate 1: The 40’s
This first time period is representative of Yang energy. During this first of the most transformational gates, we are pushing toward career and financial success, and our sovereignty. We are deepening our vision of who we are and what we are building.
This decade can bring significant changes and new pathways, like a new position or trajectory in work, a divorce, or a big move. These types of changes are supposed to happen, because prior to these big moments (in our 30’s) we were doing a lot of inner work and beginning to question and align with our authenticity. In our 40’s, however, our inner voice gets LOUD and we are no longer willing to sacrifice who we are and what we desire and deserve. We boldly step into our power and drive forward toward our true fulfillment.
I can illustrate this through my earlier example of not listening to my inner voice and continuing to push instead of pull. This inner crisis happened around the age of 35. I was confused about my true purpose and not connected to a bigger vision of ME and my calling. My inner voice was beginning to speak, but only in whispers. So, my attempt to listen was making impulsive decisions that, deep down, I knew weren’t in true alignment. But, this was a testing period that would then allow me to later walk down the correct path.
The Decision: I took on a side hustle that distracted me from my priorities at home and in my career. It was exhausting and overwhelming. Yes, there were moments of joy, exhilaration, and success in this venture that had me see a side of myself that I needed to cultivate (the entrepreneur!), but ultimately, it was a difficult lesson to learn.
Two years later, around 37, I closed that door and began to hear the deeper calling. The next two years would bring the excavation, and become the foundation of the changes that ensued at the turn of the decade—between age 39-41.
The Decision: It was time to lean into my purpose, steeped in spirituality and transformation work. I studied to become a Certified Energy Leadership Coach and practitioner of 5- Element wisdom (Feng Shui, 9 Star Ki Astrology and Chinese Face Reading).
It was an immersive and deeply exciting time. I integrated these modalities into my role at that time, slowly leaving behind the career I had built for 20 years. By the time I was 41, I experienced a “Tower moment” that ushered in this change for me: a change of leadership/takeover in my career that only offered me opportunities that would keep me entrenched in my “old life”, while an incredible opportunity came forth that allowed me to create a dream role using my new skills and passion.
At that moment in time, no amount of money or lucrative package would have kept me back. I walked boldly toward my authenticity and purpose.
As my mentor, Jean Haner puts it, “As you turn 40, every cell in your body calls out for change. You almost have no choice but to do what’s necessary to make that transition, to create a life that’s more true to who you really are.”
What was happening for you around your late 30’s and early 40’s? Pause and reflect.
Gate 2: The 50’s
This next decade is a Yin decade. It calls us back into ourselves for retrospection. By the time we are wrapping up our 40’s we hit another crisis moment of questioning, “Is this all I get? What did I work so hard for? I really didn’t ask for any of this!”
Of course, what each of us experiences, and the areas of life in which we experience it in will be unique, but whatever that area of life is (or multiple!) the overall feeling is disappointment and discontentment. We begin to think more about enjoying our lives, and feeling good in our bodies, understanding that we are in “mid life” now. We look back at our lives thinking about the different decisions we could have made. We question, “What if….”.
This period of questioning is an internal one, and an important one, because in this crucial decade we prioritize our happiness and self-care. At the root of this decade is NOURISHMENT. We reflect…
Am I nourished in my work?
Am I nourished in my marriage?
Am I nourished in my body?
Am I nourished in my home?
ETC.
But, the BIGGEST question you’ll be asking is, “Am I nourishing myself?”
It’s no surprise that for women, in particular, this decade coincides with major changes in our bodies, like Menopause. Some women actually do take a PAUSE from MEN! This can stem from putting ourselves last in so many ways, because we’ve prioritized our careers, spouses/partners and families. It’s not uncommon to feel a bit down on ourselves, and even angry. We can see resentment set in when we recognize that, “I sacrificed and gave, gave, gave…what about me?”
Men also experience the same, but it can take on the form of “I’ve missed out of so much because of my career!”
This Yin cycle has to happen in order to kick us into ultimate self-care, self-nourishment and learning how to have a healthy form of selfishness, and like the 40’s it can spur big changes, like leaving a corporate role to start a passion project, improving a marriage and finding the spark again, and creating boundaries with our children.
This time period was also “tower-esque” and a crucial turning point for me. It began at the age of 47 with a huge move—selling our family home and moving to a sky rise. I experienced early menopause and my body was feeling it. I was under a lot of stress, sleepless nights and riddled with body aches. Finally, it culminated, unfortunately, with a separation at 48, and a divorce at 49—at the turn of the decade.
It truly was a whirlwind, but I can say that all of it was steeped with lack of nourishment in all ways, and a body and soul that just couldn’t do it all anymore. I had to free myself to take care of myself in a new and healthy way. In fact, the concept of FLOW (and designing my flow) became so important to me, that I created my brand Fiercely Flowing during this period. My work became about helping others to honor themselves and design sacred lives of flow.
If you’ve already passed through this Gate, how was it for you?
“The practitioner is ever mindful and trusting that Nature, allowed to work and flow unimpeded, leads the patient to health in the body, mind and spirit, just as the rivers flow naturally and effortlessly towards the ocean.” ~J.R. Worsley
Gate 3: The 60’s
Our 60th birthday is considered to be the MOST important, according to this wisdom school, because we are now (typically!) free of old and lingering responsibilities—the weight of our past. Although times have changed, and so many of us continue to work and desire to continue working, ultimately, the theme of this decade is FREEDOM!
Obviously, the retirement age continues to increase, but as a coach and spiritual mentor to several clients in this decade, what I can say for sure is that what is driving them is the ultimate vision of living their lives as they choose, to be their most authentic selves, and to dive even more deeply into their creative whims—all without the demands of “life as it’s been or was before.”
There is a desire for a renewed sense of energy— a new lease on life, and perhaps a more simple and fulfilling way to serve in the world. However, the amount of energy you have to create this new vitality and life depends on how much of your battery you burned up in prior decades—for yourself and for others. This is why the self-nourishment and re-direction of the 50’s is so crucial.
This being said, your reservoir tank CAN be filled up again with our intentional decisions and habits in this decade—ones that create lots of SPACE for rest, rejuvenation, letting sh$t go that doesn’t belong to you and drains you, and mindfully experiencing the small joys of everyday life.
The 60’s, then, become a new way of living—designing a life well lived—a time to express your creativity and artistry, to learn, to travel and explore, and to deepen your spirituality.
Gate 4: The 70’s
According to this wisdom, this decade is about PURIFICATION— examining our lives, our relationships, and releasing, resolving (and desolving!) all regrets, injustices, and feelings of sadness, and leaning into letting go and forgiving.
As we walk through this decade, we turn our attention to cultivating our ultimate vision for the rest of our lives so that we can live in harmony and with peace with what was and what is. A natural detachment from life as we knew it begins to happen more and more, and we can begin to sit in the seat of “Sage” as the decade progresses, in order to synthesize our learnings into wisdom. We can sit with pride about who we were, how we showed up, and we can love who we are now and truly BE.
I wrote this piece for two reasons… so that we can give ourselves grace for the tower moments we have experienced and created, and to help us understand the lessons and purpose of the decades just ahead of us.
I truly believe that a life led with awareness, acceptance and intention is a sacred life that supports us in flowing fiercely.
What thoughts do you have? I’d love to hear your Aha’s and reflections.
And, for my paid subscribers, get ready for Part 2 of this piece, where I share how we can see certain signs (about these decades) on our faces, to help us recognize how we can best support ourselves and others.
If you’re not yet a paid subscriber, you can upgrade below to help support this publication and get the locked ones! Cheers!
Thanks for reading!
This was such a refreshing and empowering read. I love the reminder that every decade can bring a new kind of freedom, energy, and purpose—and that it’s never too late to realign with our most authentic selves. Thank you for sharing such thoughtful wisdom and encouragement.